So I am coming down to the home stretch of “My Year ‘In C'” and I want to end as I began with posting at least every week. I have no plans to play “In C” anywhere, but I will continue to play with the slices and songsets. Using the patterns of “In C” as little Lego blocks of sound and putting them together in different combinations has grown my compositional ear and my personal sound aesthetic. There are so many possibilities in the sonic world that is laid out in this piece of music. “In C” questions all the assumptions we have about being in tune and being in time when making music. When we loosen our grip on what we think things should sound like and pay attention instead to what we are hearing and what is emerging from our attempts to articulate that hearing, whole other worlds open up. Those are the worlds I want to continue exploring. I have so much appreciation for Terry Riley and “In C” for opening so many doors.
Opening and closing doors is THE metaphor for the year 2014. The Full Shanti played our last kirtan together on New Year’s Eve at the Raleigh Dances of Universal Peace. Sotar and I continued to play together until he left for Yogaville in September. So the door closes on our sweet kirtan band experience. The door opened for more soundscapes and composing through my work with Jody Cassell and ADF. Beginning with creating a dance piece for Rodger Belman’s summer ADF class to Moving Meditations and Embracing Health Through Movement to residencies in several local elementary schools, the twin vortexes of productivity and inspiration, coupled with the amazing networking skills of Jody Cassell, blew this door wide open. Two years after my official retirement I am no longer administering vocational evaluations for Person Industries. Door closed. Opportunities to perform soundscapes continued in 2014 with “Phrygia: Hera’s Saga” at The Makery for Allie Mullins photography exhibit in August and “Won Gone” performed at The Won Buddhist Temple bazaar in October. Several other artists have indicated interest in soundscapes, so this door is opening wider into that future.
Then a very large portal into the past, the year 1984 specifically, opened up. The Universe urged me to reconnect with people with whom I have shared great love and great creativity. And there are so many wonderful people, and two of them were predominant in my 2014 heart-breaking open. In the Spring, a woman I deeply love became ill and she was using Caring Bridge to communicate with her friends and family. Reading the journey she and her wife were taking through this heavy lesson opened my heart again to the memories of our time of loving, which was very powerful for me. I am so overjoyed that we have even the slightest of connection now. (Door open!) I am so grateful for the tremendous gift of love she gave me. She has come out the other side of her illness, and will be using her innate healing skills to deal with any future problems (that is my deepest desire for her.) Then a door closed in early November when my youngest brother, Paul, died. I am simply stunned and not believing that this has happened. I am looking for the lessons, questioning what it means to love, to be a family, what we come to believe about ourselves based on what we think other people feel about us. And once again I am reminded that I can help people, but I can’t save them. As much as I wanted to save him, as much as I think I should have been able to save him, I could not do so. I am paying attention to secrets and lies and how they can really damage self and others. And I am channeling grief into sound and music. This is a rough draft of a soundpainting called Keening.
I allow a stridency and hysteria that is looked down upon amongst my people. Listening brings discomfort and distance, laugh or cry wherever that discomfort takes you. The laugh means “I am not ready for this”. The cry means “i am letting this (come and) go”.
All finishings touch me.